


after all this time

by ecubed



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, ChenJi, Childhood Friends, Confessions, Confusion, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Idols, Jealousy, Jichen, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Huang Ren Jun, Mentioned Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Mentioned Lee Jeno, Mentioned Mark Lee (NCT), Mentioned NCT Dream Ensemble, Mentioned Na Jaemin, Mentioned Nakamoto Yuta, Misunderstandings, My usual, NCT Dream Ensemble-centric, New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, New Year's Kiss, One Shot, Park Jisung & Zhong Chen Le Are Best Friends, Reality, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Secret Crush, Sungle, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, chensung - Freeform, dreamies, i'm not into that, it's not really angsty at all, kind of, not for chenji anyway, so don't worry if you're not into that, they have so many ship names it's outrageous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:22:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22049323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecubed/pseuds/ecubed
Summary: “I just don’t want things to change between us.”“They already have,” Jisung says, trying and failing not to sound bitter.Chenle's pulling away. And Jisung just misses his best friend.--------------------------------------------------------------------(nowhere near as angsty as the summary makes it sound)
Relationships: Park Jisung & Zhong Chen Le, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 8
Kudos: 369





	after all this time

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year to everyone!
> 
> Here's a tiny little Chenji one shot for you, just because I miss them.

Jisung watches Chenle grab a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the coffee table, eyes glued to the movie Jisung is supposed to be watching. 

The screen floods with bursts of light, and the explosion thundering through their expensive sound system is loud enough to drown out the shaky breath that rocks Jisung’s chest, and the way that he swallows around the lump in his throat.

He misses his best friend.

Chenle hasn’t left. Not really. He’s sitting on the sofa, almost within touching distance.

_Almost._

When not too long ago, they’d be wedged up in one corner, Chenle’s head on his chest, so tangled together that Jisung wasn’t sure where he ended and Chenle began. Chenle would silently grip his thigh during the scary parts, and tug at his fingers when he was excited.

Now, he pulls away when Jisung reaches for his hand. Has stopped telling everyone that Jisung is his favourite; chooses basketball with _Mark_ when they’re asked what they’d do on a day off. He ditches him for Jeno, and Renjun, and even Yuta that one time. And Jisung can’t remember the last time their hugs were anything but Chenle’s arm slung loosely around his shoulder.

Jisung had thought that maybe this was Chenle growing up, maybe he didn’t like hugs anymore, maybe he’d grown out of his need for constant physical affection. But then he starts hanging all over Haechan, and sitting in Jeno’s lap and Jisung realises that it’s only him.

And it hurts. Because he loves Chenle more than anything. More than he thought he could love anyone, and slowly Chenle is pulling away, building barricades between them.

Suddenly their friendship has rules and boundaries, where they’d never had them before, and Jisung’s never gotten the manual, has no idea how to navigate the changing landscape of their friendship.

He hates it. 

And he misses Chenle. 

_His_ Chenle.

The room suddenly goes dark, as the credits begin to roll, and Jisung’s forced to abandon his train of thought, when Chenle turns to him excitedly. “Did you see that, Ji?” he says, knees bouncing with excitement. “That ending? Oh my God!”

Jisung nods, and summons up a small smile. “Yeah, it was a good ending,” he agrees.

Chenle’s eyes narrow. “Were you even watching?” he demands.

“What else would I have been doing?”

Chenle frowns. “I don’t know. But you really need to work on your reactions.” 

“You’ll have to teach me.”

“You should hang out with Mark,” Chenle says, eyes twinkling. “The King of Overreacting himself.”

The heaviness builds in Jisung’s stomach, and he hates himself for feeling this way. 

It’s a joke. Fun. Meaningless. And he loves Mark. But with the way he’s feeling now, it feels like a rejection. Like Chenle would rather that Jisung hangs out with Mark, than to have to spend time with Jisung himself.

It’s stupid. He’s being stupid, but he’s thought himself into a bad mood and he doesn’t know how to stop.

So he just pastes on another smile, and nods. “Sounds good.”

Chenle glances down at his watch, and starts extracting himself from where he’s sunk deep into the cushions of the sofa. “I think I’m going to have to go already. I think we’re supposed to start the VLive at 11:30.”

“Ok,” Jisung says. His voice sounds flat, and emotionless. He looks down at his hands, flipping his phone over between his long fingers.

He waits for Chenle to leave, but he doesn’t. Instead he scoots over towards Jisung’s end of the sofa, and buries his fingers in Jisung’s hair. 

“Jisung-ah,” he says with a laugh. “Don’t be jealous. You’ll be an adult soon as well. Then you can come on VLive with the rest of us.”

Chenle’s hand slides down Jisung’s neck, and Jisung tries not to move, not to breathe, because Chenle’s touching him, freely, just like he used to, and Jisung doesn’t want to spook him, doesn’t want this to end.

But it doesn’t matter, because suddenly Chenle seems to remember that they don’t do this anymore. His hand tenses, and he draws away, slowly, carefully, as though he doesn’t want to startle Jisung, as though he thinks Jisung won’t notice how weird he’s being - how weird he’s been over the past few months.

Chenle clears his throat. “I really should be going.”

He moves to get up from the sofa, but Jisung grabs for his hand, catching him by the tips of his fingers. “Please stay.”

The words are out before he has a chance to stop them.

Chenle blinks. “But it’s supposed to be my first VLive as an adult.”

“I know.”

He’s being selfish, and he hates himself for it. But he’s just seventeen, and he doesn’t want to spend New Year’s Eve on his own. Doesn’t want to get left behind. 

He can’t look Chenle in the eyes, just stares at his hand which is still tightly gripping Chenle’s pale fingers. “Please.”

He hears Chenle let out a breath. “I guess there’s always tomorrow,” he finally says, before settling back on the couch. His shoulder rests against Jisung’s and Jisung savours the contact. 

He needs to explain. Maybe not the whole truth, but any truth will do. “I just don’t want to be alone on New Years,” he says quietly.

“You could’ve gone to the WayV dorm. They’re having a party,” Chenle points out. “Ten invited you.”

Jisung shakes his head. “Not the same.”

Chenle sighs. “Yeah, it’s not the same as hanging out with Dream, but you’d still have a good time.”

Jisung wants to grab Chenle by the shoulders, and shake him. _It’s not because of Dream you idiot, it’s you. I want to spend it with you._

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t know what else to say, so he doesn’t say anything.

They lapse into silence. 

After a moment, Chenle breaks it. He’s never been good at silence. 

“So… what is the plan for tonight?”

Jisung shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Is there anything you’d like to do?”

“I don’t know.”

He can feel Chenle getting frustrated, the energy coiling in his muscles, the impatience creeping into his voice. 

“Then why did you ask me to stay? Are we just going to sit here silently all night?” Chenle huffs.

“I didn’t really think about it,” Jisung says. “I just wanted to spend time with you. Is that so wrong?”

Immediately, Chenle tenses beside him. He slowly slides away from Jisung. Suddenly, they’re 10 centimetres apart, then 15, then 20, until there’s enough space between them to fit another person.

Jisung can’t help himself. He laughs - flat and hollow. “And now you’re doing it again.”

Chenle’s brows knit together. “And what is it that I’m supposedly doing?” he bites back.

Jisung snorts. “This,” he says, gesturing to the patch of newly created space between them. “Constantly pulling away from me. Jumping out of your skin every time I so much as touch you. Avoiding me. Spending time with anyone else so that you don’t have to spend time with me.” Jisung pulls at the sleeves of his hoodie. “I know we don’t have to be attached at the hip, but we were. And now suddenly we’re not.”

He’s trying not to cry, but he’s so angry and sad, and he just doesn’t understand what he’s done. The corners of his eyes prickle. “I know I’m not as fun as Haechan, and I’m too scared to do half the things that you like doing. But I thought we were best friends for life, and it just hurts to realise I was wrong.” His voice cracks, but he doesn’t even have it in him to feel embarrassed. He’s started this, so he might as well finish it. He takes a deep shuddery breath and continues. “So if you’re bored of me, just tell me. I can take it.” 

He looks up at Chenle, his vision blurring around the edges.

Chenle blinks. “That’s not it at all,” he says quietly.

Then there’s a tentative hand fluttering against Jisung’s thigh, and another draped around his back and Chenle’s pulling him close. Jisung’s head is tucked under Chenle’s sharp chin, and when he takes another hiccupy breath, Chenle’s grip on him tightens.

“I’m so sorry I made you feel like that,” Chenle whispers fiercely, against Jisung’s hair.

“It feels like I’m not important to you anymore,” Jisung mumbles. “Like you’re done with me, and trying to leave me behind, but you don’t want to hurt my feelings.”

“That’s not it at all,” Chenle repeats.

“Then what is it?”

Chenle pulls away from him. And there it is again, the dreaded space opening up between them again.

“I don’t think you want to know,” Chenle says, running a nervous hand through his dark hair. 

Jisung pulls himself upright. “I do,” he says quickly. “Whatever it is, I can handle it.”

“I just don’t want things to change between us.”

“They already have,” Jisung says, trying and failing not to sound bitter.

Chenle takes a breath. He’s looking at his hands, at the floor, at the hideous gorilla painting that Jaemin had recently bought for the dorm, anywhere but at Jisung.

Jisung wants to reach out for his hand, tell him that it’s ok, whatever it is, it’s ok. But he’s afraid that would make things worse, so he just waits.

“The reason I’ve been a little distant, is because I realised that my feelings for you, weren’t what I thought they were,” Chenle begins slowly.

Jisung cocks his head in confusion.

“I realised that the feelings I was having, weren’t really the kinds of feelings that you have for your best friend,” Chenle continues.

Jisung’s heart rate picks up. He pushes down the hope that’s suddenly bubbling, effervescent, in the pit of his stomach. “What are you saying?” he says, voice barely above a whisper.

For the first time since he’s started talking, Chenle looks at him. “I’m saying that I realised I was in love with you,” Chenle says. “And it hurt too much to be around you, to let you touch me when I know you don’t feel the same way.” Chenle’s cheeks flush, the redness creeping down his neck, and dusting the tips of his ears bright pink.

Jisung shakes his head in wonder. “I cannot believe this.”

“I’m so sorry,” Chenle says quickly. “I didn’t want to ruin our friendship or make you uncomfortable. I thought that if I wasn’t around you as much, the feelings would go away. ”

“And did they?”

Chenle shakes his head. “Not really.”

“Then I am so mad at you right now,” Jisung says quietly.

Chenle looks stricken. “I am so sor-”

Jisung gently presses his palm over Chenle’s mouth, cutting him off. “Shut up.”

“I am so mad at you, Chenle,” Jisung repeats. “You have made me miserable all these months, and for no good reason.”

He pulls his palm from Chenle’s mouth, lets it slip down to his shoulder.

Chenle stares at him. “What are you saying?” he asks, hesitantly.

Jisung feels the corners of his mouth twitch. “I’m saying that you are an idiot. Truly the stupidest person I’ve ever met.” He reaches for Chenle’s hand, twining their fingers together. He’s done this a hundred times, but it’s different now. Now there’s intent. He squeezes Chenle’s hand. “I’m saying that I’ve been in love with you for years, and I can’t believe you didn’t notice.”

Chenle looks down at their hands, as if he can’t quite believe what he’s seeing. “So you’re saying I suffered all these months for nothing?”

“You?” Jisung demands. “What about me?”

“Is it a competition?” Chenle grumbles.

Jisung grins. “With you, everything always is.”

And then Chenle’s laughing. It bubbles up, sudden, bright and carefree. 

Jisung’s chest tightens, when he realises he hasn’t heard that sound in a long time. Not like this.

“Oh my god,” Chenle gasps, trying to catch his breath. “I can’t believe this.”

“Tell me about it.”

When Chenle’s laughter finally dies off, he looks at Jisung, with those sparkling eyes, and Jisung is just so in love. “So what now?”

“I don’t know,” Jisung says. “I never expected to get this far. I’m still kind of processing the fact that you love me.”

Chenle groans. “Shut up about that.”

“Never,” Jisung says, tugging Chenle’s hand, pulling him closer. “It’s just so embarrassing for you.”

“Hey!” Chenle protests. “You love me too. Or have you forgotten.”

“I guess.”

Just then, the Apple Watch on Chenle’s wrist buzzes, lighting up with a message from Renjun.

Chenle glances down at the watch. “So apparently we missed the countdown.” He smiles up at Jisung. “Happy New Year.”

“And you’re officially an adult now,” Jisung reminds him.

Chenle’s eyes light up. “Oh yeah,” he says slowly. “And what are the things that you’re supposed to get when you become an adult? Perfume, a rose… and a kiss?”

For a moment, Jisung forgets how to breathe. 

Chenle stares at him in shock, as though he can’t believe the words that came out of his mouth. “Oh god, I am so sorry. I think I got possessed by Jaemin for a second.”

Jisung makes a disgusted face. “Stop. I don’t want to think about Jaemin right now. He’s like my mother.”

“He’s going to die of happiness when he hears that,” Chenle says, watching as Jisung moves closer.

Jisung ignores the hammering in his chest, and places his hand against Chenle’s jaw. Chenle’s skin is burning hot. He leans into Jisung’s touch, eyes fluttering closed. 

“Happy Coming of Age, Chenle,” Jisung whispers, placing a soft kiss to Chenle’s cheek.

Chenle opens his eyes, lips curving into a smile. His hands go to Jisung’s shoulders, his neck. “Happy New Year, Ji.”

And when Chenle leans in to press his lips against Jisung’s, the only fireworks he cares about are the ones erupting in his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Likes/disliked/ want to tar and feather me... let me know!
> 
> Comments/kudos appreciated as always :)


End file.
